Reframing my experience as a transition left me with a more positive outlook. But I was nonetheless uncomfortable with the uncertainty of not knowing where the transition was taking me. I wanted to end the discomfort by trying to analyze, define, and force an explanation of it immediately I wanted it to be over. As an extrovert, externalizing my thoughts and feelings by writing them down has always been an effective way for me to recognize and understand them. I had some time on my hands so I figured this would be a good time to think and reflect and write. I decided to go on retreat. I found a retreat center, made reservations, packed about 10 thought-provoking books and my laptop and left. As I drove to the retreat center I envisioned myself sitting outside enjoying nature while I read and wrote until I achieved whatever insight was waiting for me.
When I got to the retreat center, I unpacked my books and my laptop. I took the laptop out of its case, turned it on and realized to my dismay that I had no desire whatsoever to use it. I just couldn’t bring myself to write. Similarly, I was not motivated to read any of the numerous books I had brought with me. I realized that my idea of actively reading and writing my way out of the transition was not going to work. I could not make the transition move any faster than the process needed to take.
Finally, I decided to let go and ride the change instead of resisting, denying, trying to analyze or write about it. I decided that it was OK to remain in a state of uncertainty and just give in to what was happening.
Taoist philosopher Lao Tzu wrote:
“Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?”
I decided I needed to “let the mud settle and the water clear.” I chose to just wait and be open to and receive the change without having to know or try to control what the outcome would be.
I started intentionally paying attention to how I felt physically, mentally and emotionally and to make choices based on that. If I didn’t feel like writing or reading, I wouldn’t. If I felt like taking a yoga or meditation class, I did. If I didn’t, I just lay down on the grass under the shade of a beautiful big tree near my cabin, listened to birds, and looked up at the branches and leaves above me. It was fabulous. I did what I wanted when I wanted and focused my attention on whatever was occurring in the moment. I allowed myself to relax and just sit with the ambiguity of not knowing where this transition was taking me.
Read about Being, Not Doing in Part 4 of the Change, Transition, and Transformation Series
Your blog looks great. I must admit, your’s is the first I’ve seen but I think its wonderful that you are tapping into this way of being seen. Good luck!
I was being one day…and something occurred to me
The more ambiguity you have, the more uncertainty you have, the more
possibility you have…
The more certainty you have the less possibility you have….
Anything at 100% certainty has o% possibility.
Love and Light
Good point, Joe.