It never ceases to amaze me how quickly we human beings are to find ways to create “in” groups and “out” groups – how quickly we are able to connect with some individuals and simultaneously disconnect with others based on the smallest of differences.It is so easy for us to assume that those who share one characteristic with us therefore share many others and visa versa; that those who differ from us in one way therefore differ from us in many other ways. What becomes dangerous about this is how quick we are to make up stories (create negative assumptions) about others based on these differences. In the process, we often demonize and make into “the inferior other” those who are different from us.
Then, we disconnect from them and make it impossible for us to develop relationships in which we would be able to discover the multiple ways that we are similar to each other.
I saw this vividly recently when I was facilitating a workshop on personality types using the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). As some of you may know, the MBTI is an instrument used to help people determine their personality style. It is not a psychological test that measures normality or abnormality but rather an assessment of individual preferences – preferences in terms of how they: are energized, gather information, make decisions and deal with their outer environment.
I divided the participants into two groups based on how they are energized – whether they are introverted and direct their energy inward and are energized by the inner world of reflection or whether they are extraverted and direct their energy outward and are energized by the outside world of people and things.
I asked each group to discuss what they see as elements of an effective meeting. Within minutes, you could hear participants talking not only about their respective differences in terms of being introverts and extroverts but also making statements about the “other” group and their annoying habits that had absolutely nothing to do with introversion and extraversion.
It was interesting how quickly they went from examining one particular difference to making negative assumptions attributing other differences to that one characteristic.
The Quilt of Humanity Approach: Using the Quilt of Humanity Approach, we can see characteristics, such as introversion and extraversion, as merely one tiny thread in the complete cloth that makes up each individual. If we focus on only one thread, we will miss not only the other threads, but the overall design of the piece of cloth as well.
It is interesting to think about: What are the threads that tend to bring you closer and better able to connect with other individuals? What are the threads that tend to result in your distancing yourself from others? What would happen if you paid attention to these tendencies?