Last week I participated in a fabulous writing workshop. After four days of constant writing, I found myself feeling a strong sense of nervous energy – kind of the way it feels when you’ve drunk too much coffee. Since I hadn’t had much coffee and wasn’t feeling nervous or anxious about anything, I wasn’t sure where the energy was coming from and what it was about.
I sat outside and tried to breathe deeply to center myself. But, I could feel myself resisting this attempt to sit still and quiet my mind. Instead of resisting my resistance, I let my mind follow it to figure out what it was about. I could hear a voice inside say, “I need to get things done!”
It appears that I was resisting my attempt to still myself because of this inner voice urging me to “get things done.” This urge to do was making it impossible for me to just be. But, instead of trying to confront this resistance head on, I simply asked myself, “what about time to be?” As my mind asked that question, I could feel my body relax. By merely paying attention to this internal resistance instead of trying to fight it, I was able to dissipate the urge to do and relax into just being.
The writing workshop had sparked a lot of creative thoughts and energized me. I was coming up with all kinds of ideas about things I want to write, workshops I want to facilitate, etc. But, I was having an energy overload. I was energized to the point of wanting to jump into action of some kind without allowing myself time to think.
It felt like the complete opposite of how I had been feeling a few weeks earlier, fatigued and unmotivated. So these two states of consciousness – too little energy and too much energy – were like opposite ends of a see saw. As one end goes up, the other end goes down. Just as when there is too much yin, there needs to be more yang.
This state of too much energy seemed to be the necessary counter-balance to the fatigue and inertia I had been feeling a few weeks ago. By paying attention to this energy surge, I was able to get in touch with my need to regain balance by slowing down and reflecting rather than rushing into action of some kind.
I’m looking forward to the plans I come up with after having a chance to reflect on and digest the ideas I generated.
Deb, I can relate to this feeling. I often am controlled by the anxiety “to do” and don’t take the time to think more on what it is I want “to do.” It is very difficult for me to sit with the anxiety- and to manage it, I jump right to action. Next time it happens, I hope to slow down like you were able to, and see what arises.
Thanks, Kelly
Your image of the see saw metaphor for balancing your energy is a very useful one for me. I was also thinking about how the Being/Doing polarity can be analyzed and managed effectively by looking at it as a polarity. I find the work of Barry Johnson in writing about Polarity Management most useful when there is a polarity in our lives.
You actually managed the polarity very effectively by acknowledging the down side of Doing so you could experience some of the up side of Being. And all this released your energy to flow freely between the up sides of both Being and Doing.
Thanks for stimulating my thinking once again.
Deb,
This spoke to me. Since we are a technological society, I think we tend to think of “production,” in technological, rather than organic terms. I like to remind myself and my students from time to time that art is more of an organic process. A plant doesn’t grow the same amount every day. Some days there is a lot of sunshine and the plant grows a lot. Then there is winter, when there is less sun and the plant grows less, or may even be dormant. But it’s still alive, waiting for the next cycle.
That doesn’t mean that we need to bounce back and forth between extremes, just that we can understand the ebb and flow of a natural process.
Thanks.
Alison
Deb,
I like what Allison is saying: there’s a lot of complementary food for thought in what she has said.
I too can readily identify with the energy surges and deficits that you have so aptly described in your recent experiences. For me I get a large surge of creative energy during the period of my birth anniversary, which is the month of August. July-August to me is very special because of the large energy inputs that I experience–both internally and externally. But I’m able to manage the surges of energy truly well because, like you, I have discovered that all I need to do is to just let go and let the energy flow; and sit back to see which port it is carrying me. From the port of external destination, I’m usually guided as to what I need to do with the energy season and energy blessings–creatively so I must add.
To me Deb, this is an occasion for you to identify and tag the factors that surround your energy highs/seasons as you seek to listen most attentively to that inner voice that usually will never lead you/us into undesirable paths.
A pleasure responding,
Anthony
Hey Jim,
In terms of polarities, I find it most useful to find a way to see the relationships between what appear to be unrelated polar opposites and get to a both/and place.
Thanks.
Deb
Alison and Anthony,
You both aptly speak of the need to let go and allow nature to take its course through seasons. We need both the times of dormancy and the times of high energy.
Thanks,
Deb
Deb,
You put this very well. I have those surges of energy sometimes and feel overwhelmed by them, also guilty for not doing all the great things that pop into my mind. I’ll remember to slow it down and see if there’s just one big idea in that energy surge that I can give my attention to.
Celeste
Deb,
I can relate to your “being and doing” phases, and the guilt that Celeste talked about. In this society we are trained from early on that “we are what we do” and to justify our existance we have to produce something, something tangible. When I was younger I lived more on the “doing” side but when I injured my back 22 years ago, in my 30’s, I had to learn who I was without having a job, without producing, without doing. I had to learn to just “be” and know that it was ok to just “be”. It takes practice to balance your life and I think of it more like a dance that I will do for the rest of my life.
Sue
Thanks Sue,
That sense of needing to “produce” can be overpowering at times. I try to remember that it’s the “being” that’s the living.
Deb