Mystery of Memory
Telling My Truth, Standing My Ground
– by Deborah Howard
Mystery of Memory: Telling My Truth, Standing My Ground, is Deborah’s story as an incest survivor who struggled to find her voice and believe in herself despite having only wispy, murky memories of her abuse.
After unearthing memories of being sexually molested by her father, Deborah spends decades struggling against her parents’ invalidation of her experience, suffering from painful self-doubt in the process. Finally, she decides to become a detective to find evidence to conquer her doubts.
“I lay on my bed. My mind felt like it was expanding; I no longer felt present in my body. I was dreaming. I was awake. I saw an empty stage, a closed black curtain, me, as a young girl of twelve. From deep inside her chest, a stream of tears, spewing like a foundation. Years’ worth pouring out, unstoppable. She asks, “Are you sure you want to know this?”
I answer, “Yes.”
My twelve-year old self responds, “Daddy raped me.”
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